September 10, 2001: The Mississippi Screaming Eagles are proud to announce that they have clinched the first playoff berth in OEL history with their victory today over the Cairo Leveeman.
"And we clinched it in style, with a no-hitter at that," yelled the champagne-soaked Owner/General Manager Mack Shultz. "Of course, with our pitching staff, we give up a run even when we throw a no-hitter, but let's focus on the positive today."
With a 12.5 game lead over second-place Seattle, Mississippi has not yet clinched the division title. "Yet," stressed Shultz. But their 15.5 game lead over the third-place Boston Red Sox is sufficient to guarantee the Eagles a place in the postseason.
"And the great thing," claimed Shultz as he swung from the ceiling with a stripper in each arm, "is that we get to celebrate again when we clinch the division title. Party! Woo hoo!"
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